This is for the ones that have lost someone this year, whether it was expected or completely out of the blue, this one is for you. This one is for you because the first holiday season without them is the hardest of them all.
I know a lot of people that have lost loved ones this year. I know the pain they’ve been through, the grief they’re going through, and the ache that they feel this upcoming holiday season. So I don’t know if it’ll help y’all, but here’s some things I wish I would’ve done for each “first” without them.
I wish I didn’t act like everything was normal, because it wasn’t. Pretending it’s all normal won’t help you or anyone else. Everything about the day is different with them not being there. The pain is just as strong, if not stronger, as the day they left this world. So don’t mask it, sweet friend, don’t act like it’s all okay when it’s not. Acknowledge that they aren’t here and feel the pain.
I wish I didn’t push people away for the sake of my own protection, it didn’t protect, it just made it worse. Feel the pain, friend and let others in to help. Because believe it or not, the people that love you and have been with you through it, are very aware of you during this season. Whether they say it out loud or just show you through actions, they are more than willing to be the person you need. So let them in, sweet friend, don’t hurt them to protect yourself.
I wish I had honored them more by remembering their joy of the season instead of focusing on my grief. Nine times out of ten, the people you lost enjoyed this season. As crazy and exhausting and overwhelming the holidays can be, everyone is joyful about some part of it. So remember their joy, remember the way they lit up talking about their favorite parts of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Remember the laughter they had watching other people enjoy this season. Laugh for them, smile for them, find joy for them. They don’t want you to spend this season sad for them, they want you to love it like they did. Fight for it.
I won’t lie to you, I still struggle with this today. It’s been 13 years since I experienced our first family lost and 3 since the most recent. It still hurts that they aren’t with us but it does get easier. I get to hear sweet stories of holidays past and remember the time I got with each of them. If I’m being honest, I’ve always fought for Thanksgivings recognition so hard because it keeps Christmas away just a little bit longer. Now, I am in no way a Christmas hater, it’s the day we celebrate the birth of our Savior after all! But Christmas changed 10 years ago when instead of waiting for Christmas dinner, we were sitting in the hospital Hospice area getting in our last moments with the woman we all adored.
I know it hurts, y’all. I know you’ll struggle to believe you can make it through this without them. But believe me, you will. And every year it will get easier, I promise. It may never stop stinging a bit, but it will get better. This pain won’t last forever, the grief will fade and you’ll find your own joy, but I know it’s hard. Know that I’m praying for you, friend. Know that the Creator of the cosmos didn’t call them home without reason. Know that He is with you and for you and that your comfort can be found in Him.
Happy Holidays, y’all! Praying that you find comfort and joy in Christ and Christ alone.
Beauty in the Ashes 